A client and I were discussing the
normal but troubling things that were draining her energy.
A
thought popped into my mind and out of my mouth- “There is no
cure for life.” It resonated so she paused to write it down.
Before I allowed myself full credit for this quote, I Googled
it and the closest thing I found was a hip hop song by the Paperboys
titled- “No Cure for Life.”
Being the recovering
perfectionist I am, probing deeper I found a similar thought by the
Irish playwright, poet and novelist Samuel Beckett (1906-1989)
stating- “You’re on earth. There is no cure for that.”
My
interpretation of this quote is that life is a mixture of joys and
sorrows, pain and happiness, doubt and faith and more.
Our
natural tendency is to make the negative feelings disappear as soon
as possible and to retain or cling to the ones we perceive as
positive.
My clients have often heard me say, “We cannot
stop the sucker punches of life.” Some of these are temporary
and some have an impact for years and even decades. Some of us appear
to face more obstacles than others and that, too, is life.
Two
personal, horrific sucker punches hit me in 2017 and 2018. Someone
who was near and dear to me lost her battle with cancer in the summer
of 2017. Her husband, also a dear and treasured friend, was diagnosed
with cancer less than a year later and died just six weeks after the
diagnosis in the spring of 2018. I miss them both dearly and think of
them often. My sorrow extends to their friends and family who have to
navigate life without these beautiful people.
What is your
recent or deep sucker punch? How do you cope with the pain?
Sucker
punches are unexpected, severe and unpleasant. Many of us try to
stuff those hurtful emotions down through unhealthy habits- drinking
to excess, shopping too much, electronic distraction and many
creative but unhealthy ways to avoid the feelings. Yet, what we
resist, persists.
When we avoid feeling an emotion, it lingers
while growing stronger. I compare deep emotions to unhappy toddlers.
A parent of a two year old who is on the phone with a beloved friend
understands this well. The toddler comes to us fussy and annoyed and
needing something. If we remain on the phone, the fussiness can
elevate to a full blown meltdown. Yet, if we hang up the phone and
attend to the child’s needs- hunger, thirst, sleep or discomfort, the
little one calms down and we can resume our conversation. Feelings
behave this way.
What are some ways to deal with sucker punch
emotions?
1- Journal about the impact on you. There is
scientific proof of the positive effects of this act.
2- Stop
and ask yourself what you need now. Maybe it is rest, a good cry, a
warm cup of tea, exercise, prayer or good nourishment.
3-Talk
to a trusted friend, therapist or coach. You will often gain new and
helpful insights.
4- Honor the feelings as a part of your
human experience. You can do this in a way that is congruent with
your set of values, learning style and personality.
Most
people have not had adequate training in how to deal with difficult
emotions. Yet, I would argue that it is an essential skill to build
for the ups and downs of being alive.
When we feel, we
heal
When we suppress, we regress
